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Learning to Say No The Secret to Weight Loss :
From the time you were
a child, you might have been a people pleaser. You tried to ace your
schoolwork in order to win your parents’ approval you practiced
soccer for hours on end to win a vote of support from your coach…or
you diligently practiced your piano chords in order to earn the gratitude
of your music teacher. There’s nothing wrong with aiming to
please. It can make you a respected leader, a valued friend, a comforting
mentor. However, it should be recognized that some food addictions
begin with an inability to say “no.”
It might have begun with a Thanksgiving during your childhood when
your mother asked if you wanted a second helping of mashed potatoes.
Or a teacher at your elementary school might have given you a gold
star if you cleaned your plate. You were probably taught that it is
wrong to waste food and that a hearty appetite was a good thing. The
problem is, such cues from your environment might have caused you
to learn the wrong lessons when it came to food consumption.
In our society, many people have difficulty saying “no.”
They want to be part of the crowd and they don’t want to stand
out for non-participation. They will do all they can to blend in and
that leads them to say “yes” more times than they’d
like to. In fact, the epidemic of alcohol and drug abuse may be due
in part to the refusal of many people to say “no.”
Admitting that you have a problem overcommitting yourself is the first
step to progress. It shows that you have a great deal of insight into
your own problems with food and you want to change your bad habits
and replace them with admirable ones. But this can be difficult, given
the fact that so many families have a number of rituals involving
food. Also, unlike cigarettes or marijuana, food is not considered
inherently bad—nor should it be. However, you need to learn
how to use food effectively.
Part of your training begins with learning the power of “no”
or “no thank you.” You need to learn to assert yourself,
to recognize that you do not have to go along in order to get along.
You realize that you are doing yourself no favors by accepting extra
helpings of pasta—in fact, you could be doing your body a great
deal of harm. The key now is to do something about it.
What’s the best way to undergo assertiveness training? One method
you can use is role-playing. Practice saying “no” to extra
servings with the help of a friend playing the role of adversary.
In this “pretend” situation, you may feel more comfortable
saying “no.” You will also learn that saying “no”
isn’t the end of the world; that you will not automatically
lose friends by taking a “negative” stance.
Another trick you might use is making sure that you do not slouch
while sitting at the table for your meals. Slouching indicates defeat—a
belief that a situation is hopeless. With your head held high you
will gain the confidence you need to say “no”—and
to mean it.
Yet another effective strategy is to keep a journal recording your
thoughts after you’ve said “no”—either to
more food or to a commitment you just can’t handle at this time.
Putting your feelings in writing can be quite cathartic. It can also
help you with problem-solving, enabling you to figure out ways that
you can say “no” without hurting another person’s
feelings.
Something else you will need to learn is that it is not necessary
for you to fulfill another person’s expectations. In other words,
whether your Aunt Mary thinks you’re eating enough really doesn’t
matter. If you recognize that you are overweight, Aunt Mary’s
opinion shouldn’t be taken into account. You must do what you
think is best in order to take control of your eating. Assertiveness
will not happen immediately. But, with practice, you can learn to
say “no” like a pro. And you—and your waistline—will
be better off as a result of what you’ve learned.
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